Someone in Heaven loves me

I am so lame. I am a firm believer in cliches. I agree that when God closes the door, he opens a window. I believe that when it rains it pours. I believe in what goes around comes around. The one I will always believe is when you are at your lowest the only way to go is up. I've felt that way the last couple of months. I have felt that I was just purely existing with no purpose. I mean I am a substitute teacher and I coach high school and junior high athletes but you can still feel transparent. Up until two weeks ago, I think someone watching out for me saw and felt my moments of despair and threw me a bone. They sent me the most unbelieveable person. It was my sister, my friend! I had never known where she had been these past eight years. We drifted apart having no way to communicate and suddenly - a phone call! You couldn't imagine the light in my eyes and soul ignite and shine through. Oh how I've missed her. It was the most amazing day to see her again. We laughed just as we laughed eight years ago. We smiled and almost cried. I know I wanted to but I was to happy to cry. I feel so alive right now. I hope it never goes away. I hope she never goes away...well too far anyway. She might be getting married soon...she's in denial but I think she will. Hahaha her boyfriend is an amazing fellow. I think he's her match! Until that day, I hope we can make up eight years and continue through a lifetime. Thank you to whoever is watching out for me. Thank you for erasing some of the pain in my heart. I don't know what else to say.

Cosmic collisions I call Destiny

Here I am...it's November. Where was I in September and October? I didn't move and I didn't run away unfortunately. I have been here...that's the thing about me, I am always here. I think it has a lot to do with my last post in Yahoo: "I am tired. I am tired of giving in to everyone, I am tired of giving in to everything and most of all, I am tired of everyone expecting me to." I can't believe that I have let myself become that easy. Have I always been this way? I can't remember the last time I even stood up for myself. I can't remember the last time I even said what I was feeling at the moment someone asked. I seem to always be the one asking all the questions: Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need help? I wonder what it's like to have someone care that much about what I feel and think. Most times I have friends who take and very rarely give in return. I think that is my fault. I don't ask for payment and very rarely do I collect any kind of payment. I know people who give "things" in return but I don't want "things." I just want someome to talk to. Someone to agree and disagree with things I have to say. I think it's time I go find "him." I know who "He" is and I think he knows who "He" is but I have to tell him. Maybe he's the missing piece of my being. Maybe I will finally become the complete person I want to be after I take my destiny into my own hands. It's scary but it's time.