Someone in Heaven loves me

I am so lame. I am a firm believer in cliches. I agree that when God closes the door, he opens a window. I believe that when it rains it pours. I believe in what goes around comes around. The one I will always believe is when you are at your lowest the only way to go is up. I've felt that way the last couple of months. I have felt that I was just purely existing with no purpose. I mean I am a substitute teacher and I coach high school and junior high athletes but you can still feel transparent. Up until two weeks ago, I think someone watching out for me saw and felt my moments of despair and threw me a bone. They sent me the most unbelieveable person. It was my sister, my friend! I had never known where she had been these past eight years. We drifted apart having no way to communicate and suddenly - a phone call! You couldn't imagine the light in my eyes and soul ignite and shine through. Oh how I've missed her. It was the most amazing day to see her again. We laughed just as we laughed eight years ago. We smiled and almost cried. I know I wanted to but I was to happy to cry. I feel so alive right now. I hope it never goes away. I hope she never goes away...well too far anyway. She might be getting married soon...she's in denial but I think she will. Hahaha her boyfriend is an amazing fellow. I think he's her match! Until that day, I hope we can make up eight years and continue through a lifetime. Thank you to whoever is watching out for me. Thank you for erasing some of the pain in my heart. I don't know what else to say.

Cosmic collisions I call Destiny

Here I am...it's November. Where was I in September and October? I didn't move and I didn't run away unfortunately. I have been here...that's the thing about me, I am always here. I think it has a lot to do with my last post in Yahoo: "I am tired. I am tired of giving in to everyone, I am tired of giving in to everything and most of all, I am tired of everyone expecting me to." I can't believe that I have let myself become that easy. Have I always been this way? I can't remember the last time I even stood up for myself. I can't remember the last time I even said what I was feeling at the moment someone asked. I seem to always be the one asking all the questions: Are you okay? How are you feeling? Do you need help? I wonder what it's like to have someone care that much about what I feel and think. Most times I have friends who take and very rarely give in return. I think that is my fault. I don't ask for payment and very rarely do I collect any kind of payment. I know people who give "things" in return but I don't want "things." I just want someome to talk to. Someone to agree and disagree with things I have to say. I think it's time I go find "him." I know who "He" is and I think he knows who "He" is but I have to tell him. Maybe he's the missing piece of my being. Maybe I will finally become the complete person I want to be after I take my destiny into my own hands. It's scary but it's time.

Fork in the road...which way do I go?

The Beginning...The Middle...and The End...

I don't often speak of my family because as we have all come to an agreement that there are not enough words to describe us, describe our relationships with each other and definitely no words to describe our love for one another. We are the greatest dysfunctional family, but the key is we are a family. We are four sides of a pyramid. Meaning, we all can go our own way as far as we want, but ultimately we start from the same point where we meet and come together. We are four very different personalities. My sisters and I have take on the responsibility of taking care of our mother. She's doesn't need it yet but what do you do when she's the only parent you've got left? We've shared the same woes, the same losses and the same setbacks. Each of us has sacrificed something for one another. It's what we do. We don't wage useless wars, we don't fight useless battles and we don't waste valuable wisdom and knowledge. We are very caring individuals. We don't like to admit that children are our biggest vice. We all melt for a smart child, a rambunctious child, a cute child, a smiley child and a playful child. We are women.

• The Matriarch is the head of our family - immediate and extended. She is not the eldest is her family but she is treated with the highest respect as if she were. She is the rock of her family. Her door is always open. She has a happy, loving and warm home. She is a traditional Navajo woman. She is strong. She is not affectionate but she tries. She speaks - we listen. She does - we watch. She is Mom.


• The Muse is the protector of the arts in our house. She is a life long student of the arts and music. She, like the nine daughters of Zeus, does it all. She's a poet, she's a writer, she's a scholar, she's a musician, she's a dramatic, she's a dancer, she's a connoisseur, she's an athlete, she's a Googler, but most of all she is my sister. She is the quiet and perceptive one. She has an eye for detail and beauty. She needs balance and excitement. She's loves to learn and she loves to share. She is Kayla.


• And finally Ms. Charisma...she is young and carefree. She is the baby and the most loving. She is happy. She is an instigator. She is the tallest. She is the strongest. She is loudest. She is quick-witted. She is a student of human nature. She is easy to love. She is a magnet. She is warm and welcoming. She is a texter. She is also an artist, a scholar, a dramatic and an amazing dancer. She is organized and balanced. She is a leader. She is Deidra and she is my sister.

We are who we are. We are strong Navajo women. We respect and cherish tradition. We have strong hearts and minds. We are confident and caring. We are so much more...just ask us. :)

Fighting with GIANTS!

Well here it is...near the end of track season. I don't quite know how to sum it up exactly. All I know for sure is that it went really, really fast! I think this is the first time I feel like I didn't teach my throwers enough. I know when you see them they look the part, but they didn't get the principles of what they're doing and that kills me! Granted, if I were looking for excuses, I do have a few of them that will help me feel better, but I am not going to cash them in.

1. I was two weeks late in coming out for track. I coach high school basketball and after a pretty successful season, we had a chance at a post-season. Something like that is a pretty big accomplishment for us. :D
2. I had a lot of athletes who tried out for throwing this season. I had over twenty kids at one time. These kids are young teenagers who still whine, cry and get their feelings hurt when I get after them. It's like taking my reading class to practice everyday except I can't send them to detention or give them referral. It's better, I get to make them run or send them home. :)
3. I can just simply say I didn't have any athletes. I didn't have any kids who know how to compete. This isn't true at all because at this age most kids are goofy and a little uncoordinated. Yes, there are the gifted few but we usually call them sprinters. Besides, I have been doing this a little under ten years and I have been able to mold the most uncoordinated and sometimes the laziest kids into decent throwers. So, according to me, all of my throwers have the potential to be athletes. :)
4. The weather this season sucked. We didn't get enough reps like I would have wanted. When we can't practice outside we can't throw and we lose a day. We do have indoor implements, but when we are inside so is the high school. Even in track, a hierarchy exists, we take what we can get and make the best of it. :)
5. My last excuse is usually my favorite one - We didn't have enough time. If I had another week or two weeks I know we would have done better. This may or may not be true but it's always up for discussion. In real life that one or two weeks more maybe one or two weeks too long. See...always a gray area...no real way to tell.

I think that list is pretty conclusive of all the elements that made my track season seem a little bit lacking and unsuccessful. However, the truth of the matter is these kids finishing the season and having a chance to compete in the final track meet is quite the accomplishment. Here's what they have come away with and it makes my job worthwhile:

1. These kids unknowingly have learned to meet expectations and have learned commitment.
2. These kids have learned how to be competitiors.
3. They have improved their over physical health and mental toughness to face obstacles and overcome them.
4. They have learned to represent themselves and their school with pride.
5. They have improved themselves by learning to adapt with different kinds of people who are not a part of their normal social circles.
6. They have learned to be accepting and encouraging as they all took on a sport they know nothing about.

Well the results are pretty obvious, the kids always come away with more than they bargained for. It's their accomplishments I am proud of more than my own. I think I can proudly say Bobcat Throwing at Mesa Alta Junior High was a SUCCESS! :)

C.A.M.

I had the luxury of three days to go from high school basketball to junior high track. I never realized how big the transition is. I go from coaching high school girls to junior high girls in a matter of days and I am never prepared for it. I go from coaching kids knowing almost everything to kids who know nothing at all but that I am always ready for. I go from coaching just girls to mixing junior high girls and boys on my throwing team. What a joy that can be...it's like watching the health book flash before your very eyes. The mood swings, dramatics, the constant changing of boyfriends and girlfriends like the days on a calendar, and their babyish mannerisms. How can they argue about wanting be treated like young adults when they still squeal like infants and have tantrums like toodlers? The last and biggest change that I can't ever get used to is the venue. I spend almost five months in a nice 70 degree gym and never have to wear a jacket or long sleeves for that fact. Then, for track it's like being thrown on a mountain top with just a t-shirt. The weather is relentless. It's crazy but fun! I love track season! It's a sure sign that warm weather is on the way. Gosh...I love my job! :)

CoachcAmycaM

• My book has closed on another season of basketball. Like the many other years before it, it was great! I really think I made some headway on fundamental milestones this year. We did everything better. We played better offense and definitely played better defense. We went with a man this year and it worked for us. The kids did a fabulous job with the transition from zones to man. Usually it's hard but I was very blessed to not have lazy kids. I had the hard-working and hard-nosed girls. The ones who have had to work for everything their whole lives. They played with pure passion and heart. They never complained and always asked if they could do it again. They worked tirelessly on the fundamentals:passing, shooting and dribbling. Once in a while, their youthfulness would run away with them and they would lose the ball but as the season wore on their mistakes became less and less.
• There is nothing more rewarding than to stand there and say one-word commands and to see it being played out before your very eyes. It's amazing. To see excitement because they get to play their favorite game, and for them to treat it exactly the way it was intended to be: a game. They always left their anger and frustrations on the court. The minute we passed through the locker room doors, real life happened again: friends and family. I often tried to test them and say "Man, we would have won if...or I can't believe you all didn't do this" everytime (I was so proud I could have cried) they all would look at me and say "Next time, we'll fix it tomorrow at practice" or "Coach, it's over. Just add it to your notes." Hahaha I didn't have a choice I just laughed and said okay. Then, as sure as the sunrise, they would ask "What didn't we do yesterday? How come we lost? What did we forget? What should we do different?" So we would practice everything. At the end, they would always say "Not anymore!"
• I didn't deserve those kids but I was blessed with them. This season will always be my favorite. They weren't varsity but, in my opinion, they outworked them and they had more heart. I will be very sad next season because with that kind of ethic, I know I will not see most of them. However, I will be very proud and confident knowing they are ready for that next step.
• So November 2010..."Jaa mata ne"

CamelaalemaC

• Have you ever had a moment in time where you should know that answer but, suddenly, you don't? A moment where everyone counts on you to know exactly what to do and you don't? Usually I am a pretty creative soul and I can at least lie and look the part, but there has been a few times in the last two weeks that I had no idea what to do. I am a basketball coach and it requires you to think ahead about three possessions for both offense and defense. There is constantly the "what if" factor. It was the oddest thing. We were losing the game and then after some key "what if" moments we were winning. Now comes the mental battle of should we risk it and keep scoring or should we hold off and protect the lead. I didn't know what to do!! Everytime we were up by one or two points at the most. Like an idiot, I call time-out, what for?!? I didn't have an answer to my own question! At that point, I kind of figured that I could at least give the kids a small water break to calm their nerves and recollect their thoughts while I tried to sort mine out. Man, that was a stupid thing to do. At least when the other team calls time out, you can at least figure some of the things you are going to encounter: they are either going to foul, go to a man to man defense or even press depending on where the ball is. Now, those things I have the answers for. Nope, I call time out when we've got the lead. I don't know what I look like to my kids. Can they see the fear in my eyes? Can they hear the fear in my voice? Hahaha one thing was for sure...we had the ball. At the 10 second buzzer, we stand - hands are in, the kids look at me with some fear, nerves and excitement and all I could do was smile - :) I had the answer - do both! With confidence, I look them all dead in the eye and say "Protect the ball, pass and cut and if the Red Sea parts, go for it! Make it count! There is only one way to win this game and that is together" The kids shout with a resurgent wave of confidence "Together!" Man, sometimes that coach's box is not big enough. It seems smaller and smaller the closer the points are. Hahaha. Well needless to say I've been lucky those few times and we've won the game. I would hate to be wrong next time.
• In moments of crunch time, I always compare my luck to a bag of Blue Bird flour bag. If you get it just right, with one pull of the right string, the whole bag opens. If you don't, then you have to keep pulling at the strings until finally you get it or you just cut the damn thing. LoL!

CamcAmcaM

• Someone told me today, "Are you ever serious? Do you get angry?" I said "Yes and Yes" They didn't miss a beat and said, "You don't look it." Hahaha how do you look it? Can you really wear your emotions like a T-Shirt? I can't. I have one look and it's a smile. I like it...it's my best defense and offense. I started to sift through scenarios and looked at myself and damn...a smile everytime. Is this a problem? Should I fix it? Absolutely...not. :)
• Here's what I know for sure...I am the opposite of tall and the opposite of boring. I am the opposite of slim and I am the opposite of normal. I am absolutely random. I think of a million different ways to do a simple task and I am forever haunted with the "What if we do it this way..." or the "Wouldn't it be funny if..." mentality.
• Good luck!

CrazyAmbitiousMe

• I often sit and wonder why I do the things I do sometimes. It's not that I can't think for myself I just enjoy having others think for me once in awhile. Both of my everyday jobs requires me to think and plan all the time. If I don't plan then the whole train falls apart. It's very interesting that it works out that way because "in real life" I am the most unorganized person on the planet. My whole universe is in constant disarray. I find more comfort and joy in the piles of papers everywhere than in folders neatly on the desk and clothes piled on the floor than folded neatly or hung in the closet. My backpack is the same way. There are pockets made to serve specific purposes but I don't use them as intended. I often wonder is that my own personal revolution against order and conformity? Nah...I am bold enough to venture out and say I am just lazy and am very happy to just be an unconventional person.
• The second thing I do that I am almost sure makes me an unfavorable person sometimes is I am an optimist. I have this uncanny ability to see the silver lining. I don't look for it it just appears. My favorite lines are always "It could be worse...or Things like that have a funny way of working out..." Hahaha I don't mean to be shallow but isn't it true is a very strange and twisted way? I have seen death too many times in my lifetime. Even then I still manage to be happy even though God has taken away some very special people. I guess maybe because I know he can't break his own rule of taking without giving. He has taken some amazing beings but he has also replaced then even more amazing beings. I can't complain. I guess it's my belief in the goodness of the humanity that makes me this way. I know it's a very naive way to live but it works for me.
• Try untangling that ball of string!